Your Daughter is Pregnant

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen.

It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!"


The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.

The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.

The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Are not you paying attention to me?"

"Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they had show up again, and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant!"

Love & Marriage

A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back.

But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."

The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later.

Then he saw another bigger one... But may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him.

Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.

So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.

The teacher told him, "...this is love... You keep looking for a better one, but when later you realise, you have already miss the person...."

"What is marriage then?" the student asked.

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."

The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... You look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... This is marriage."*

Love & Marriage

A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back.

But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."

The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later.

Then he saw another bigger one... But may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him.

Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.

So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.

The teacher told him, "...this is love... You keep looking for a better one, but when later you realise, you have already miss the person...."

"What is marriage then?" the student asked.

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."

The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... You look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... This is marriage."*

Chanakya Quotes

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A person should not be too honest.
Straight trees are cut first and Honest people are victimised first
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"Even if a snake is not poisonous,
it should pretend to be venomous."
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"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. ! It will destroy you."
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"There is some self-interest behind every friendship.
There is no Friendship without self-interests.
This is a bitter truth."
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"Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply
and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."
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"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."
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"Once you start a working on something, don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it.
People who work sincerely are the happiest."
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"The fragrance of flowers spreads
only in the direction of the wind.
But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."
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"A man is great by deeds, not by birth."
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"Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years.
For the next five years, scold them.
By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend.
Your grown up children are your best friends."
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"Education is the best friend.
An educated person is respected everywhere.
Education beats the beauty and the youth."

Its all about wives

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."
I asked her, "Where's the car?"
She replied, "In the lake."

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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

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I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

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My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.

So I got myself two girlfriends.

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Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

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A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."

The next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same: "You can have mine."

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It's not true that married men live longer than single men.

It only seems longer.

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Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

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A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.

The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

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Hire & Fire Techniques practiced by some big SW gaints

Hire a lion... Ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
Give him Gobi 65 to eat again and again.
Hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
Give them same Gobi 65 to eat
Hire 200 more....... And more .......

Hire a lion
Give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary lion dies of hunger and frustration

Hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour... He dies of unemployment. ..

Hire a Cat ...
Assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and make sure that he never reaches onsite.
Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion....

Hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score 60% he will lose the job.

Lion dies of strain?

Hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes alive he will get band movement (promotion) holy cow dies in fear of the real lion.

Hire ..sorry....purchase a lion(COSL) ..
Change his timings...(instead of 9 AM ...change it to 8:30 AM)
Cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
Lion dies from fear of becoming CAT.....

Hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat...
The lion dies before joining....

Hire a Lion,
Give him a mail Id.
He will die receiving stupid mails all day........! ! !!!

*Hire a lion.... **
Send him to chennai
Ask him to stay on bench for a long time
Ask him to eat idli,Dosa and Vada
No Hindi, kannada or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL...
No good food, No water..and specially No Beautiful girls
And say him "Go Ahead be a Tiger".
Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion......

What Kindness leads to.........

Man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared; he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress.

It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther.

Then the man decided to help the butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were nature's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If nature allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been.

DIFFERENT MATHEMATICS

WHILE ROMANCING

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
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IN OFFICE

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
___________ _________ ________
WHILE SHOPPING

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
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GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
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LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
____________ _________ _________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
___________ _________ ________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUES
A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
____________ _________ ________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

The Cow & The Pig

There was once a man who was very rich and very miserly at the same time. The villagers disliked him intensely. One day he said to them, "Either you're jealous of me or you don't understand my love of money-God alone knows. But you dislike me; that much I know. When I die, I won't take anything with me. I will leave it all for others. I will make a will, and I will give everything to charity. Then everyone will be happy."

Even then people mocked and laughed at him. The rich man said to them, "What is the matter with you? Can't you wait a few years to see my money go to charity?"

The villagers didn't believe him. He said, "Do you think I'm immortal? I'll die like everyone else, and then my money will go to charities." He couldn't understand why they didn't believe him.

One day he went for a walk. All of a sudden it started raining heavily, so he took shelter under a tree. Under this tree he saw a pig and a cow. The pig and the cow entered into conversation, and the man overheard what they were saying.

The pig said to the cow, "How is it that everybody appreciates you and nobody appreciates me? When I die, I provide people with bacon, ham and sausage. People can also use my bristles. I give three or four things, whereas you give only one thing: milk. Why do people appreciate you all the time and not me?"

The cow said to the pig, "Look, I give them milk while I'm alive. They see that I am generous with what I have. But you don't give them anything while you're alive. Only after you're dead do you give ham, bacon and so forth. People don't believe in the future; they believe in the present. If you give while you are alive, people will appreciate you. It is quite simple."

From that moment on, the rich man gave all he had to the poor.

Whom to Blame

Boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage.

They were a Loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes.

When the boy was Around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle Open.

He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep It in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot The matter.

The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by Its colour and drank it all.

It happened to be a poisonous medicine Meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother Hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She Was terrified how to face her husband.

When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child ,

He looked at his wife and uttered just five words.

The husband just said "I am with you Darling"

The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive Behaviour.

The Child is dead. He can never be brought back to life.

There is no point In finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to Keep the bottle away, this would not have happened.

No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she Needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.

If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would Be much fewer problems in the world. "A journey of a thousand miles Begins with a single step." Take off all your envies, jealousies, Unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are Actually not as difficult as you think.

MORAL OF THE STORY
Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame, Whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know. By this Way we miss out some warmth in human relationship

Before its too late....

There was once a guy who suffered from cancer... A cancer that can't be treated. He was 18 years old and he could die anytime. All his life, he was stuck in his house being taken cared by his mother. He never went outside but he was sick of staying home and wanted to go out for once.

So he asked his mother and she gave him permission. He walked down his block and found a lot of stores.

He passed a CD store and looked through the front door for a second as he walked. He stopped and went back to look into the store. He saw a young girl about his age and he knew it was love at first sight. He opened the door and walked in, not looking at anything else but her. He walked closer and closer until he was finally at the front desk where she sat.

She looked up and asked "Can I help you?" She smiled and he thought it was the most beautiful smile he has ever seen before and wanted to kiss her right there.

He said "Uh... Yeah... Umm... I would like to buy a CD." He picked one out and gave her money for it.

"Would you like me to wrap it for you?" she asked, smiling her cute smile again.

He nodded and she went to the back.

She came back with the wrapped CD and gave it to him. He took it and walked out of the store. He went home and from then on, he went to that store everyday and bought a CD, and she wrapped it for him. He took the CD home and put it in his closet. He was still too shy to ask her out and he really wanted to but he couldn't. His mother found out about this and told him to just ask her.

So the next day, he took all his courage and went to the store. He bought a CD like he did everyday and once again she went to the back of the store and came back with it wrapped. He took it and when she wasn't looking, he left his phone number on the desk and ran out...
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!TRRRRRING! !!

The mother picked up the phone and said, "Hello?"

It was the girl!!! She asked for the boy and the mother started to cry and said, "You don't know? He passed away yesterday..."

The line was quiet except for the cries of the boy's mother.

Later in the day. The mother went into the boy's room because she wanted to remember him. She thought she would start by looking at his clothes. So she opened the closet. She was face to face with piles and piles and piles of unopened CDs. She was surprised to find all those CDs and she picked one up and sat down on the bed and she started to open one.

Inside, there was a CD and as she took it out of the wrapper, out fell a piece of paper. The mother picked it up and started to read it.

It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn The mother opened another CD...

Again there was a piece of paper. It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn

Love is... When you've had a huge fight but then decide to put aside your egos, hold hands and say, "I Love You . . . "
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Moral of The Story:

If you Really Love Someone please Expressed your feeling and let them know how much you Love them,That person might also love you in the same way as you love them Before it is too late........ ........