Innocent Letter..........

A Nun asked her class to write notes to God.


Here are some they handed in:

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Dear God :

I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday. That was cool.


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Dear God:

Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You keep the ones You already have?


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Dear God :

Maybe Cain and Abel would not have killed each other if they had their own rooms. That's what my Mom did for me and my brother.


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Dear God:

If You watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes.


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Dear God :

I bet it is very hard to love everyone in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I'm having a hard time loving all of them.


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Dear God:

In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?


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Dear God :

Are You really invisible or is it just a trick?


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Dear God:

Is it true my father won't get into heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?


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Dear God:

Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?


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Dear God:

Who draws the lines around the countries?


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Dear God :

I went to this wedding and they kissed right in the church. Is that OK?


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Dear God:

Did You really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if You did, then I'm going to get my brother good.


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Dear God:

Thank You for the baby brother, but I think you got confused because what I prayed for was a puppy.


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Dear God:

Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.


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Dear God:

I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over.


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Dear God:

You don't have to worry about me; I always look both ways.


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Dear God :

I think about You sometimes, even when I'm not praying.


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Dear God:

Of all the people who worked for You, I like Noah and David the best.


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Dear God :

My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. They're just kidding, aren't they?


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Dear God:

I would like to live 900 years just like the guy in the Bible.


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Dear God :

We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it. So, I bet he stole Your idea.

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I felt alive for the first time as i held my newborn daughter in his arms - Thank You God.

Who would of thought, to my surprise,
The day I looked in my daughter's eyes,
That I would find my sunshine, my star, my pearl, All the thoughts in my head, of this little girl.

You came to me on the Eighth of April 2009, That day in my life, I will always remember. I did not know who I was as a man, 'till the moment i picked you up from the bed inside my hands.

And it was at that split moment, when you opened your eyes, your true identity was no longer disguised. As the lights glistened, in your beautiful eyes, Inside I slowly started to cry.

I was given an angel, from heavens' above, The final test as a man, A little girl to love. I believe by God, I must have been touched. I love you and we love you so much.

Your face lights up, whenever you smile, A glow that can last an endless mile.
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Sent straight from heaven up above
Came an angel for me to love
To hold and rock and kiss good night
To wrap my arms around real tight

To cuddle & nurture and watch her play
To kiss her boo-boo's all away
To keep her safe and warm & count all his toes
To hold the tissue for her when he blows his little nose

To adore & cherish and watch her grow
To guide and teach her all that I know
To see her through good times & help her through bad
To share in her happiness and cry when she's sad

To hold her close and be by her side
To watch her through life as my heart fills with pride
To help her with decisions, the best that I can
To know that someday he'll be a fine young woman

Words to live by Zen Sarcasm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Common mistakes we commit.....

Because English is such a complex language, it is fraught with traps that we all frequently fall into. With this list I hope to clear up at least a few of the confusing words we use every day. This is a list of some of the more common errors people make with English.

1. ~ "It was a blun der mistake."

Correction, people! The word 'blun der' means mistake, so you could say:

~ "It was a blun der," or
~ "It was a big mistake."

2. ~ "It would have been more better."

The word 'better' itself implies that the option in question is superior -- the use of the word 'more' in the sentence is, therefore both inappropriate and unnecessary. Thus the correct sentence would go as follows:

~ "It would have been better."

3. ~ "Why don't he get married?"

The term 'don't' applies when discussing a plural subject. For instance, "Why don't they get married?" The right way to phrase that sentence would be:

~ "Why doesn't he get married?"

4. ~ "I want two Xeroxes of this card."

The term 'Xerox' is used in North American English as a verb. Actually, 'Xerox' is the name of a company that supplies photocopiers! The correct thing to say, therefore, would be:

~ "I want two photocopies of this card."


5. ~ "Your hairs are looking silky today."
This is one of the most common Indian bloopers! The plural of 'hair' is 'hair'! Thus:

~ "Your hair is looking silky today."

Get Ahead reader Nasreen Haque says, "We must realise that English is not the native language of Indians. Having said that, we should tell ourselves, 'Yeah, I could go wrong and I could make innumerable mistakes, but of course there is always room for improvement.'"


some more::
1. ~ Loose vs lose:
Many people make this mistake. They inevitably interchange the words 'loose' and 'lose' while writing. 'Lose' means to 'suffer a loss or defeat'. Thus, you would write:

~ 'I don't want to lose you," and not ' don't want to loose you.'

'Loose', on the other hand, means 'not firm' or 'not fitting.' In this context, you would write,

~ "My shirt is loose," not "My shirt is lose."

2. ~ "One of my friend lives in Kolkata."

This is one of the most common Indian English bloopers ever! The correct way of putting that is:

"One of my friends lives in Kolkata."

Why? Because the sentence implies that you have many friends who live in Kolkata, but you are referring to only one of these friends.

3. ~ Tension-inducing tenses.

People often use the wrong tense in their sentences. For instance, someone might say:

~ "I didn't cried when I saw the movie."

Unfortunately, the word 'didn't' is never followed by a past tense verb, in this case 'cried'. The correct way of putting it would be:

~ "I didn't cry when I saw the movie."
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1. Practice / Practise

In US English, practice is used as either a verb (doing word), or noun (naming word). Hence, a doctor has a practice, and a person practices the violin. In UK english, practice is a noun, and practise is a verb. A doctor has a practice, but his daughter practises the piano.

2. Bought / Brought

Bought relates to buying something. Brought relates to bringing something. For example, I bought a bottle of wine which had been brought over from France. The easy way to remember which is which is that bring start with ‘br’ and brought also does. Buy and bought start with ‘b’ only. This is one of those difficult ones that a spelling checker won’t catch.

3. Your / You’re

Your means “belonging to you”. You’re means “you are”. The simplest way to work out the correct one to use is to read out your sentence. For example, if you say “you’re jeans look nice” expand the apostrophe. The expanded sentence would read “you are jeans look nice” - obviously nonsensical. Remember, in English, the apostrophe often denotes an abbreviation.

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4. Its / It’s

As in the case above, the apostrophe denotes an abbreviation: it’s = it is. Its means “belongs to it”. The confusion arises here because we also use an apostrophe in English to denote possession - except in this case; if you want to say “the cat’s bag” you say “its bag” not “it’s bag”. “It’s” always means “it is” or “it has”. “It’s a hot day.” “it’s been fun seeing you.”

5. Two / To / Too

With a ‘w’ it means the number 2. With one ‘o’ it refers to direction: ‘to France’. With two ‘o’s it means “also” or refers to quantity - for example: “There is too much money”. A good way to remember this one is that too has two ‘o’s - ie, it has more ‘o’s than ‘to’ - therefore it refers to quantity.

Just paying the bills…



6. Desert / Dessert

This is a confusing one because in English an ’s’ on its own is frequently pronounced like a ‘z’ and two ’s’s are usually pronounced as a n ’s’ (for example: prise, prissy). In this case, desert follow the rule - it means a large stretch of sand. However, dessert is pronounced “dez-urt” with the emphasis on the second syllable - ie, something we eat as part of our meal. To make matters worse, when a person leaves the army without permission, it is spelt desert. So, let’s sum up:

desert (pronounced dez’-it): dry land
desert (pronounced dez-urt’): abandon
dessert (pronounced dez-urt’): yum yum! - remember, two ’s’s because you want second helpings!

Oh - one more thing - another very common mistake is using the word dessert (two ’s’s) to mean pudding - pudding is a sweet course, often consisting of some kind of cake or icecream. Dessert is fruit or cheese - normally taken after the pudding course.

7. Dryer / Drier

If your clothes are wet, put them in a clothes dryer. That will make them drier. A hair dryer also makes hair drier.

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8. Chose / Choose

This is actually quite an easy one to remember - in English we generally pronounce ‘oo’ as it is written - such as “moo”. The same rule applies here: choose is pronounced as it is written (with a ‘z’ sound for the ’s’) - and chose is said like “nose”. Therefore, if you had to choose to visit Timbuktu, chances are you chose to fly there. Chose is the past tense, choose is the present tense.

9. Lose / Loose

This one is confusing. In this case, contrary to normal rules of English, the single ’s’ in loose is pronounced like an ’s’ - as in wearing trousers that are too loose. Lose on the other hand, relates to loss - for example: “I hope we don’t lose this game”. A good way to remember this is that in the word “lose” you have lost the second ‘o’ from loose. If you can’t remember a rule that simple, you are a loser!

10. Literally

This one is not only often used in error, it is incredibly annoying when it is used in the wrong way. Literally means “it really happened” - therefore, unless you live on a parallel universe with different rules of physics, you can not say “he literally flew out the door”. Saying someone “flew out the door” is speaking figuratively - you could say “he figuratively flew out the door” but figuratively is generally implied when you describe something impossible. Literally can only be used in the case of facts - for example: he literally exploded after swallowing the grenade. If he did, indeed, swallow the grenade and explode - that last sentence is perfectly correct. It would not be correct to say “she annoyed him and he literally exploded” unless she is Wonder Woman and her anger can cause people to blow up.

Bonus: I could care less

I have to add this one as a bonus because it is one I especially hate. When you say “I could care less” you are saying “I care a little so I could care less”. Most people when using this horrific sentence mean to say “I couldn’t care less” which means “I care so little I could not care less”.

Bonus 2: Ironic

Isn’t it ironic? Actually, no, most of the time it is not. Irony, in its true form, is when you state something to a person who does not understand what you truly mean, but another person does. Essentially, it makes the hearer the brunt of the joke without their being aware of it. This is called dramatic or tragic irony because it originated on the stage where the audience knew what was happening but the victim on stage did not. The most sustained example of dramatic irony is undoubtedly Sophocles’ Oedipus Rex, in which Oedipus searches to find the murderer of the former king of Thebes, only to discover that it is himself, a fact the audience has known all along.

Another form of irony is Socratic irony, in which the person pretends to be ignorant of a subject in order to truly show the ignorance of the person with whom he is arguing.

Unfortunately, poor Alanis Morissette had no clue when she said “it’s a free ride when you’ve already paid” or “it’s like rain on your wedding day”. This is not irony - it is misfortune or coincidence.

To sum it up, basically Irony is a figure of speech in which what is stated is not what is meant. Sarcasm can be a type of Irony.

Funny Quotes

Practice makes a man perfect... - But nobody's perfect..... . So why practice?

Money is not everything. - There's MasterCard & Visa.

One should love animals. - They are so tasty.

Save water. - Shower with your girl friend.

Love thy neighbour. - But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry. - After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

The wise never marry - And when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term. - It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.

Love is photogenic - It needs darkness to develop

Children in backseats cause accidents - Accidents in backseats cause children

"Your future depends on your dreams" - So go to sleep

There should be a better way to start a day - Than waking up every morning

"Hard work never killed anybody" - But why take the risk !

"Work fascinates me" - I can look at it for hours!

God made relatives; - Thank God we can choose our friends.

When two's company, - three's the result!

The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know - So... Why learn.

Dress Code @ Accenture