English Spelling Mistake and their effects

TELEGRAM #1
A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as:

"father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
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TELEGRAM #2
A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here."

The message received by wife: "I wish you were her."
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TELEGRAM #3

A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her husband.

At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket.

Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:

"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."
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TELEGRAM #4

A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake.

The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.

Well he thinks for a while and says:

Let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better".

The salesman asks, "How do you want me to put it?"

The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "! You are getting better" at the bottom.

The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:

"You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the bottom".
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TELEGRAM #5
A man from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her parent's house in Delhi .

When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer.

He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram, she fainted.

It was written:

'Sethji aaj mar ! Gaye! (Sethji Ajmer gaye )

BIHAR DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM

DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM
------------ --------- --------- ----
NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.
He will give you the licen.

For instruktions, see bottom applikason.
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1. Last name:
(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dot no

(Check karet box)
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2. First name:
(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dot no

(Check karet box)
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3. Age:
(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dot no

(Check karet box)
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4. Sex: ____ (Laloo) _____ (Rabri)

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5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right

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6.Occupason:

(_) Dacoit (_) Rapeist (_) Kidanapper (_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan
(_) House wife (_) Un-employed

(Check karet box)

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7. Number of children libing in the household: ___

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8. Read #7 agan & anser here: ___

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9. Mather name: ____________ _________ __

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10. Phather Name: ____________ ________ (don't leave bank for guesh)

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11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 ............ .. (Circle highest grade completed)

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12. Dental rekard:

(_) Ellow (_) Berownish- ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other
-__________ Give egjhakt color

(Check karet box)
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14. Ice seight:

(_) One Ice(2x1) (_) Two Ice(2x2) (_) Half blind (_) Day blind (_)
Night blind (_) 4/4 (_)6/6

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15.Your thumb imparesson :

(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy thumb impression also. Please provide your own thumb impression.)

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PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS

Use thumb on your lepht hand only. If you don't have lepht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.

NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE.

WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS

Hospital Charts

These are actual writings from various hospital charts.

1.The patient refused an autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5 Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated, and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15 Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present
24. The pelvis exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

A tribute to my father

My father was one of the most important people in my entire life. There was no one like him so I wanted to dedicate a memorial to him on this particular page. For those who have experienced loss, there isn't much you can do except remember the good times and carry that person's spirit in your heart. I hope all the net people can appreciate me doing this. I'm mainly putting this here for people who have lost a loved one, and also so I can remind myself of the goodness in this man

My father was an all-rounder, who excelled in almost everything he undertook.

I'd like to share a quote that my Dad used to always tell me "Be Good and Do Good"

I LOVE YOU DAD!
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Some people come into our lives and quickly go
Some people move our souls to dance
They awaken us to new understanding
With the passing whisper of their wisdom...

Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon
They stay in our lives for awhile,
leave footprints on our hearts
and we are never, ever the same again....
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Appa, I learnt a lot about life from you and you will continue to be our inspiration and guiding star in every single step we take. We really miss you!!!

Pope as Chaffeur

While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope's authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back.
They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.

The chief asked: "Who is in the limo, the mayor"
The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than the mayor."

Then the chief asked "Is it the governor"
The policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the governor."

The chief finally asked: "Is it the President"
The policeman answered: "No, someone even more important than the President."

This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: "Now who is more important than the President!"
The policeman calmly wispered: "I'll put it to you this way chief. I don't know who is this guy, but he has the pope as his chauffeur."

Flight Instructor

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.

"It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!"

The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes."
"Why" asked the pilot.

"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation.

After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor

It's Performance, Not Position that Counts

Priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.

Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses him, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the Kingdom of Heaven ?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, from New York ."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver,

"Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven ."

Now it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am the Right Reverend Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest,

"Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven ."

"Just a minute," says the priest. "That man was a taxi driver. Why does he get a silken robe and golden staff?"

"Results," shrugged Saint Peter....... ....

"While you preached, people slept. When he drove, people prayed."