A frog can’t empty its stomach by vomiting.
• A rat can go without water longer than a camel can.
• The lung fish can live out of water for three years in a state of suspended animation.
• The bark of an older red wood tree is fire proof.
• The average American consumes nine pounds of food additives every year.
• 7000 new insects species are discovered every year.
• The average human body contains enough fat to make seven bars of soap
• Barbie’s fill name is babra Millicent Roberts.
• Tug of war an Olympic event between 1900 and 1920.
• Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like its kissing the conveyor belt.
• An Ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
• The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.
• Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
• If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have$1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without beingable to make change for a dollar.
• The only two days of the year in which there are no professionalsports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the dayafter the Major League All-Star Game.
• If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom.
• The fingerprints of Koala Bears are virtually indistinguishablefrom those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crimescene.
• The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in everyfive must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstripsin times of war or other emergencies.
• Pearls melt in vinegar
More @ http://eamazings.com/index.php/knowledge-base/
Thursday, July 31, 2008
New Corporate Policies
SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is enough to keep the job going in your absence.
YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your replacement.
REST ROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:10, employees whose names being with 'B' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm bell will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door open.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. All questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation's, or input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week!!!
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is enough to keep the job going in your absence.
YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your replacement.
REST ROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:10, employees whose names being with 'B' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm bell will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door open.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. All questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation's, or input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week!!!
Searching ME
The boss of a big company who needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper, "Hello."
"Is your daddy home" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise"
"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for" Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "ME"
"Is your daddy home" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise"
"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for" Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "ME"
See if you imagine such answers -
A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Eddy what is your problem" Eddy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
The teacher had had enough.
She took Eddy to the principal's office.
While Eddy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
The teacher agreed.
Eddy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3"
Eddy: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6"
Eddy: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.
The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Eddy can go to the third-grade."
The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions"
The principal and Eddy both agree.
The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of"
Eddy, after a moment, "Legs."
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have"
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!
Eddy replied, "Pockets."
Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into"
Eddy: "Pants"
Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid
Eddy: Coconut
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer,
Eddy was taking charge.
Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky
Eddy: Bubblegum
Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Eddy: Shake hands
Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay
Eddy: Yep.
Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Eddy: Tent
Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
Principal was looking restless and bit tense.
Eddy: Wedding Ring
Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Eddy: Nose
Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Eddy: Arrow
Teacher: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement
Eddy: Firetruck
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Eddy in the fifth-grade, I missed the last ten questions myself."
The teacher asked, "Eddy what is your problem" Eddy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
The teacher had had enough.
She took Eddy to the principal's office.
While Eddy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
The teacher agreed.
Eddy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3"
Eddy: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6"
Eddy: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.
The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Eddy can go to the third-grade."
The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions"
The principal and Eddy both agree.
The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of"
Eddy, after a moment, "Legs."
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have"
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!
Eddy replied, "Pockets."
Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into"
Eddy: "Pants"
Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid
Eddy: Coconut
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer,
Eddy was taking charge.
Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky
Eddy: Bubblegum
Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Eddy: Shake hands
Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay
Eddy: Yep.
Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Eddy: Tent
Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
Principal was looking restless and bit tense.
Eddy: Wedding Ring
Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Eddy: Nose
Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Eddy: Arrow
Teacher: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement
Eddy: Firetruck
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Eddy in the fifth-grade, I missed the last ten questions myself."
How to kill your mother in law
You have two options
==========
#1
A long time ago in China , a girl named Li-Li got married & went to live with her husband and mother-in-law. In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law at all.
Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law's habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.
Days passed, and weeks passed. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting.
But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing Li-Li's poor husband! d great distress.
Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-! law's bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it! Li-Li went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs.
She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all.
Mr. Huang thought for awhile, and finally said, "Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you."
Li-Li said, "Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do."Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs. He told Li-Li, "You can't use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving.
Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspect you, when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. "Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen." Li-Li was so happy.
She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.
Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper!r, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother.
After six months had passed, the whole household had changed. Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an argument with her mother-in-law in six months because she now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.
The mother-in-law's attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in- law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter.
Li-Li's husband was very happy to see what was happening. One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again She said, "Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my mother-in-law. She's changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her."
Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. "Li-Li, there's nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her."
HAVE YOU REALIZED that how you treat others is exactly how they will treat you? There is a wise Chinese saying: "The person who loves others will also be loved in return." God might be trying to work in another person's life through you. Send this to your friends and spread the POWER OF LOVE.
===============
# 2
Choice is clearly YOURS
You have two options
==========
#1
A long time ago in China , a girl named Li-Li got married & went to live with her husband and mother-in-law. In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law at all.
Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law's habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.
Days passed, and weeks passed. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting.
But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing Li-Li's poor husband! d great distress.
Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-! law's bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it! Li-Li went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs.
She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all.
Mr. Huang thought for awhile, and finally said, "Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you."
Li-Li said, "Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do."Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs. He told Li-Li, "You can't use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving.
Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspect you, when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. "Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen." Li-Li was so happy.
She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.
Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper!r, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother.
After six months had passed, the whole household had changed. Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an argument with her mother-in-law in six months because she now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.
The mother-in-law's attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in- law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter.
Li-Li's husband was very happy to see what was happening. One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again She said, "Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my mother-in-law. She's changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her."
Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. "Li-Li, there's nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her."
HAVE YOU REALIZED that how you treat others is exactly how they will treat you? There is a wise Chinese saying: "The person who loves others will also be loved in return." God might be trying to work in another person's life through you. Send this to your friends and spread the POWER OF LOVE.
===============
# 2
Choice is clearly YOURS
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
illusion
If you watch the above images from your seat in front of the computer,
Mr.Angry is on the left, and Mrs.Calm is on the right.
Get up from your seat, and move back about eight feets!! They switch places!!
Thanks - Phillippe G. Schyns and Aude Oliva of the Univ. of Glasgow.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Parents
An 80 year old man was sitting on the sofa in his house along with his 45 years old highly educated son. Suddenly a crow perched on their window.
The Father asked his Son, "What is this?"
The Son replied "It is a crow".
After a few minutes, the Father asked his Son the 2nd time, "What is this?"
The Son said "Father, I have just now told you "It's a crow".
After a little while, the old Father again asked his Son the 3rd time,
What is this?"
At this time some expression of irritation was felt in the Son's tone when he said to his Father with a rebuff. "It's a crow, a crow".
A little after, the Father again asked his Son t he 4th time, "What is this?"
This time the Son shouted at his Father, "Why do you keep asking me the same question again and again, although I have told you so many times 'IT IS A CROW'. Are you not able to understand this?"
A little later the Father went to his room and came back with an old tattered diary, which he had maintained since his Son was born. On opening a page, he asked his Son to read that page. When the son read it, the following words were written in the diary :-
"Today my little son aged three was sitting with me on the sofa, when a crow was sitting on the window. My Son asked me 23 times what it was, and I replied to him all 23 times that it was a Crow. I hugged him lovingly each time h e asked me the same question again and again for 23 times. I did not at all feel irritated I rather felt affection for my innocent child".
While the little child asked him 23 times "What is this", the Father had felt no irritation in replying to the same question all 23 times and when today the Father asked his Son the same question just 4 times, the Son felt irritated and annoyed.
So..
If your parents attain old age, do not repulse them or look at them as a burden, but speak to them a gracious word, be cool, obedient, humble and kind to them. Be considerate to your parents.From today say this aloud, "I want to see my parents happy forever. They have cared for me ever since I was a little child. They have always showered their selfless love on me.
They crossed all mountains and valleys without seeing the storm and heat to make me a person presentable in the society today".
Say a prayer to God, "I will serve my old parents in the BEST way. I will say all good and kind words to my dear parents, no matter how they behave.
The Father asked his Son, "What is this?"
The Son replied "It is a crow".
After a few minutes, the Father asked his Son the 2nd time, "What is this?"
The Son said "Father, I have just now told you "It's a crow".
After a little while, the old Father again asked his Son the 3rd time,
What is this?"
At this time some expression of irritation was felt in the Son's tone when he said to his Father with a rebuff. "It's a crow, a crow".
A little after, the Father again asked his Son t he 4th time, "What is this?"
This time the Son shouted at his Father, "Why do you keep asking me the same question again and again, although I have told you so many times 'IT IS A CROW'. Are you not able to understand this?"
A little later the Father went to his room and came back with an old tattered diary, which he had maintained since his Son was born. On opening a page, he asked his Son to read that page. When the son read it, the following words were written in the diary :-
"Today my little son aged three was sitting with me on the sofa, when a crow was sitting on the window. My Son asked me 23 times what it was, and I replied to him all 23 times that it was a Crow. I hugged him lovingly each time h e asked me the same question again and again for 23 times. I did not at all feel irritated I rather felt affection for my innocent child".
While the little child asked him 23 times "What is this", the Father had felt no irritation in replying to the same question all 23 times and when today the Father asked his Son the same question just 4 times, the Son felt irritated and annoyed.
So..
If your parents attain old age, do not repulse them or look at them as a burden, but speak to them a gracious word, be cool, obedient, humble and kind to them. Be considerate to your parents.From today say this aloud, "I want to see my parents happy forever. They have cared for me ever since I was a little child. They have always showered their selfless love on me.
They crossed all mountains and valleys without seeing the storm and heat to make me a person presentable in the society today".
Say a prayer to God, "I will serve my old parents in the BEST way. I will say all good and kind words to my dear parents, no matter how they behave.
God
Three men are arguing in a bar.
The first says,
“God must be a mechanical engineer—just look at the joints in the human body.”
The second says,
“God is an electrical engineer—look at the nervous system.”
The third says,
“God has to be a civil engineer,
who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area
The first says,
“God must be a mechanical engineer—just look at the joints in the human body.”
The second says,
“God is an electrical engineer—look at the nervous system.”
The third says,
“God has to be a civil engineer,
who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area
Funny Rhyming Poems
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. then
I wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack.
******
God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
******
Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
******
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
why doesn't it rain on you?
******
Roses are red, Violets are blue
monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
not in cage but laughing at you.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. then
I wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack.
******
God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
******
Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
******
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
why doesn't it rain on you?
******
Roses are red, Violets are blue
monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
not in cage but laughing at you.
New Dimension for Work/Promotion
People who do lots of work.......make lots of mistakes
People who do less work.......make less mistakes
People who do no work......make no mistakes
People who make no mistakes......gets promoted
That's why I spend most of my time
Sending e-mails & playing games at work , I need a promotion.
People who do less work.......make less mistakes
People who do no work......make no mistakes
People who make no mistakes......gets promoted
That's why I spend most of my time
Sending e-mails & playing games at work , I need a promotion.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Interesting Facts
1. Chewing on gum while cutting onions can help a person from stop producing tears. Try it next time you chop onions!!!!!!!!!!
2. Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time. Indeed convenient!
3. Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name.
4. Male mosquitoes are vegetarians. Only females bite.
5. The average person's field of vision encompasses a 200-degree wide angle.
6. To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow then it is ripe.
7. Canadians can send letters with personalized postage stamps showing their own photos on each stamp.
8. Babies' eyes do not produce tears until the baby is approximately six to eight weeks old.
9. It snowed in the Sahara Desert in February of 1979.
10. Plants watered with warm water grow larger and more quickly than plants watered with cold water.
11. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
12. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.
13. Those stars and colours you see when you rub your eyes are called phosphenes.
14. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
15. Everyone's tongue print is different, like fingerprints.
16. Contrary to popular belief, a swallowed chewing gum doesn't stay in the gut. It will pass through the system and be excreted.
17. At 40 Centigrade a person loses about 14.4 calories per hour by breathing.
18. There is a hotel in Sweden built entirely out of ice; it is rebuilt every year.
19. Cats, camels and giraffes are the only animals in the world that walk rightfoot, right foot, left foot, left foot, rather than right foot,leftfoot
20. Onions help reduce cholesterol if eaten after a atty meal.
21. The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting.
22. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
23. If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
24. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
25. A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
26. A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
27. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
28. The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
29. The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
30. The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
31. Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
32. Butterflies taste with their feet.
33. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
34. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
35. Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
36. A cat's urine glows under a black light.
37. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
38. Starfish have no brains
39. Polar bears are left-handed.
40. Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
2. Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time. Indeed convenient!
3. Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name.
4. Male mosquitoes are vegetarians. Only females bite.
5. The average person's field of vision encompasses a 200-degree wide angle.
6. To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow then it is ripe.
7. Canadians can send letters with personalized postage stamps showing their own photos on each stamp.
8. Babies' eyes do not produce tears until the baby is approximately six to eight weeks old.
9. It snowed in the Sahara Desert in February of 1979.
10. Plants watered with warm water grow larger and more quickly than plants watered with cold water.
11. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
12. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.
13. Those stars and colours you see when you rub your eyes are called phosphenes.
14. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
15. Everyone's tongue print is different, like fingerprints.
16. Contrary to popular belief, a swallowed chewing gum doesn't stay in the gut. It will pass through the system and be excreted.
17. At 40 Centigrade a person loses about 14.4 calories per hour by breathing.
18. There is a hotel in Sweden built entirely out of ice; it is rebuilt every year.
19. Cats, camels and giraffes are the only animals in the world that walk rightfoot, right foot, left foot, left foot, rather than right foot,leftfoot
20. Onions help reduce cholesterol if eaten after a atty meal.
21. The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting.
22. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
23. If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
24. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
25. A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
26. A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
27. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
28. The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
29. The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
30. The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
31. Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
32. Butterflies taste with their feet.
33. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
34. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
35. Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
36. A cat's urine glows under a black light.
37. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
38. Starfish have no brains
39. Polar bears are left-handed.
40. Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
Indian Cow - An Essay by Bihari
Indian Cow
HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when he is got child.] He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [ horses dont have any such attachment]
What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, Also his other motion.. gober] is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes[like Pizza] , in hand and drying in the sun.
Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.
The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts . His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow.......
HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when he is got child.] He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [ horses dont have any such attachment]
What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, Also his other motion.. gober] is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes[like Pizza] , in hand and drying in the sun.
Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.
The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts . His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow.......
Best type of surgical patients
Five surgeons are discussing who are the best type of surgical patients.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers ... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong.
Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There are no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers ... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong.
Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There are no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Inspiring - Shoulders
My mother used to ask me: "What is the most important part of the body?"
Through the years I would take a guess at what I thought was the correct answer. When I was younger, I thought sound was very important to us as humans, so I said, "My ears, Mommy."
Mother said, "No Many people are deaf. But you keep thinking about it and I will ask you again soon."
Several years passed before she asked me again. Since making my first attempt, I had contemplated the correct answer. So this time I told her, "Mommy, sight is very important to everybody, so it must be our eyes." Mother looked at me and told me, "You are learning fast, but the answer is not correct because there are many people who are blind."
Stumped again, I continued my quest for knowledge. Over the years, Mother asked me a couple more times and always her answer was, "No, but you are getting smarter every year, my child."
Then last year, my grandpa died. Everybody was hurt. Everybody was crying. Even my father cried. I remember that especially because it was only the second time I saw him cry. My Mom looked at me when it was our turn to say our final good-bye to Grandpa.
Mother asked me, "Do you know the most important body part yet, my dear?"
I was shocked when she asked me this now. I always thought this was a game between her and me. Mother saw the confusion on my face and told me, "This question is very important. It shows that you have really lived in your life. For every body part you gave me in the past, I have told you was wrong and I have given you an example why. But today is the day you need to learn this important lesson."
Mother looked down at me as only a mother can. I saw her eyes well up with tears. Mother said, "My dear, the most important body part is your shoulder."
I asked, "Is it because it holds up my head?"
Mother replied, "No, it is because it can hold the head of a friend or a loved one when they cry. Everybody needs a shoulder to cry on sometime in life, my dear. I only hope that you have enough love and friends that you will always have a shoulder to cry on when you need it."
Then and there I knew the most important body part is not a selfish one. It is sympathetic to the pain of others. People will forget what you said... People will forget what you did.... But people will NEVER forget how you made them feel.
True or not, the story makes you stop and think. Be blessed. Be a blessing. Get your shoulder ready
Through the years I would take a guess at what I thought was the correct answer. When I was younger, I thought sound was very important to us as humans, so I said, "My ears, Mommy."
Mother said, "No Many people are deaf. But you keep thinking about it and I will ask you again soon."
Several years passed before she asked me again. Since making my first attempt, I had contemplated the correct answer. So this time I told her, "Mommy, sight is very important to everybody, so it must be our eyes." Mother looked at me and told me, "You are learning fast, but the answer is not correct because there are many people who are blind."
Stumped again, I continued my quest for knowledge. Over the years, Mother asked me a couple more times and always her answer was, "No, but you are getting smarter every year, my child."
Then last year, my grandpa died. Everybody was hurt. Everybody was crying. Even my father cried. I remember that especially because it was only the second time I saw him cry. My Mom looked at me when it was our turn to say our final good-bye to Grandpa.
Mother asked me, "Do you know the most important body part yet, my dear?"
I was shocked when she asked me this now. I always thought this was a game between her and me. Mother saw the confusion on my face and told me, "This question is very important. It shows that you have really lived in your life. For every body part you gave me in the past, I have told you was wrong and I have given you an example why. But today is the day you need to learn this important lesson."
Mother looked down at me as only a mother can. I saw her eyes well up with tears. Mother said, "My dear, the most important body part is your shoulder."
I asked, "Is it because it holds up my head?"
Mother replied, "No, it is because it can hold the head of a friend or a loved one when they cry. Everybody needs a shoulder to cry on sometime in life, my dear. I only hope that you have enough love and friends that you will always have a shoulder to cry on when you need it."
Then and there I knew the most important body part is not a selfish one. It is sympathetic to the pain of others. People will forget what you said... People will forget what you did.... But people will NEVER forget how you made them feel.
True or not, the story makes you stop and think. Be blessed. Be a blessing. Get your shoulder ready
Thursday, July 24, 2008
1. Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
2. At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS.
IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
3. Doctor's office in Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
4. Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner. Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL
YOURSELF.
5. In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
6. On the grounds of a Nairobi private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.
7. In Aamchi Mumbai restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
8.In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
9. Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
10. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS,
ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
11. Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM,
IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
12. Advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
13. A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
14. Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
15. Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS16.
The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.
17. Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
18. In a Japanese cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
2. At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS.
IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
3. Doctor's office in Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
4. Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner. Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL
YOURSELF.
5. In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
6. On the grounds of a Nairobi private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.
7. In Aamchi Mumbai restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
8.In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
9. Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
10. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS,
ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
11. Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM,
IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
12. Advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
13. A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
14. Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
15. Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS16.
The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.
17. Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
18. In a Japanese cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
SMART ANSWERS
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
'What are my choices?' the man asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
-----------
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without blinking an eyelid she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'
-----
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a supermarket but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The assistant replied, 'I'm afraid not, they're dead.'
--------------
The policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the cop said.
The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
------
A truck driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read 'Low Bridge Ahead.'
Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the truck's cab and said to the driver, 'Got stuck, he?'
The truck driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!'
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
'What are my choices?' the man asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
-----------
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without blinking an eyelid she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'
-----
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a supermarket but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The assistant replied, 'I'm afraid not, they're dead.'
--------------
The policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the cop said.
The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
------
A truck driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read 'Low Bridge Ahead.'
Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the truck's cab and said to the driver, 'Got stuck, he?'
The truck driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!'
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Sardar Jokes - No Offense meant
2 Sardars looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sardar1: Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case.
Sardar2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760
............ ......... ......... ......... .
Sardar proposed a Girl......
Girl said Im 1yr elder to you......... ..
Sardar said Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.
Sardar1: Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case.
Sardar2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760
............ ......... ......... ......... .
Sardar proposed a Girl......
Girl said Im 1yr elder to you......... ..
Sardar said Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.
Starting next month.
Note: Due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each. sign up early and get a discount on registration.
1. HOW TO FILL ICE-CUBE TRAYS.
Step by step with slide presentation.
2. TOILET PAPER: DOES IT GROW ON THE HOLDERS
Round table discussion.
3. DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE LAUNDRY BASKET AND THE FLOOR.
Practicing with hamper. Pictures and graphics.
4. THE AFTER-DINNER DISHES AND SILVERWARE: DO THEY LEVITATE AND FLY INTO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES
Debate among panel of experts.
5. LOSS OF VIRILITY: LOSING THE REMOTE CONTROL TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
Help line and support groups.
6. LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS, STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THE RIGHT PLACE INSTEAD OF TURNING THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN WHILE SCREAMING.
Open forum.
7. HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH.
Power Point presentation.
8. REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST.
Real-life testimonial from the one man who did.
9. IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS
Driving simulation.
10. LIVING WITH ADULTS: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR WIFE.
Role playing.
11. HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION.
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques
12. REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, OTHER IMPORTANT DATES AND CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE.
Bring your calendar or PDA to class.
13. GETTING OVER IT. LEARNING TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME.
Individual counselors available.
For early bird : WHISKEY WILL BE SERVED!!!!
Note: Due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each. sign up early and get a discount on registration.
1. HOW TO FILL ICE-CUBE TRAYS.
Step by step with slide presentation.
2. TOILET PAPER: DOES IT GROW ON THE HOLDERS
Round table discussion.
3. DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE LAUNDRY BASKET AND THE FLOOR.
Practicing with hamper. Pictures and graphics.
4. THE AFTER-DINNER DISHES AND SILVERWARE: DO THEY LEVITATE AND FLY INTO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES
Debate among panel of experts.
5. LOSS OF VIRILITY: LOSING THE REMOTE CONTROL TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
Help line and support groups.
6. LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS, STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THE RIGHT PLACE INSTEAD OF TURNING THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN WHILE SCREAMING.
Open forum.
7. HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH.
Power Point presentation.
8. REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST.
Real-life testimonial from the one man who did.
9. IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS
Driving simulation.
10. LIVING WITH ADULTS: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR WIFE.
Role playing.
11. HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION.
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques
12. REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, OTHER IMPORTANT DATES AND CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE.
Bring your calendar or PDA to class.
13. GETTING OVER IT. LEARNING TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME.
Individual counselors available.
For early bird : WHISKEY WILL BE SERVED!!!!
About smoking and drinking
A beggar stops a pedestrian to ask some money.
He says: ""Sir, i haven't eaten for one day, can you give me some money.""
The pedestrian: ""i am sorry, i don't bring cash today. do you smoke i have some cigarettes.""
The beggar say: ""i don't somke.""
The man is quite gentle: ""do you drink, i can offer you a couples of beer.""
The beggar answer: ""i have never drinked.""
The gentleman is very excited when he heard that. ""come with me to have a dinner tonight, i must show my wife what kind of man he will be, if he doesn't smoke and drink""
He says: ""Sir, i haven't eaten for one day, can you give me some money.""
The pedestrian: ""i am sorry, i don't bring cash today. do you smoke
i have some cigarettes.""The beggar say: ""i don't somke.""
The man is quite gentle: ""do you drink, i can offer you a couples of beer.""
The beggar answer: ""i have never drinked.""
The gentleman is very excited when he heard that. ""come with me to have a dinner tonight, i must show my wife what kind of man he will be, if he doesn't smoke and drink""
Upper Management
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up."
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."
The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was all that about, anyway"
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for upper management position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot shit, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."
He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up."
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."
The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was all that about, anyway
"The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for upper management position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot shit, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Me & My Boss
ME and MY BOSS
When I Take a long time to finish, I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough
When I don't do it, I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it, he is busy,
When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,
When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,
When I make a mistake, I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When I am out of the office, I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked
When I do good, my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong, he never forgets
***************
When I Take a long time to finish, I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough
When I don't do it, I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it, he is busy,
When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,
When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,
When I make a mistake, I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When I am out of the office, I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked
When I do good, my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong, he never forgets
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