SMART ANSWERS
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
'What are my choices?' the man asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
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A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without blinking an eyelid she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'
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A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a supermarket but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The assistant replied, 'I'm afraid not, they're dead.'
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The policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the cop said.
The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
------
A truck driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read 'Low Bridge Ahead.'
Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the truck's cab and said to the driver, 'Got stuck, he?'
The truck driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!'
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Sardar Jokes - No Offense meant
2 Sardars looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sardar1: Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case.
Sardar2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760
............ ......... ......... ......... .
Sardar proposed a Girl......
Girl said Im 1yr elder to you......... ..
Sardar said Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.
Sardar1: Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case.
Sardar2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760
............ ......... ......... ......... .
Sardar proposed a Girl......
Girl said Im 1yr elder to you......... ..
Sardar said Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.
Starting next month.
Note: Due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each. sign up early and get a discount on registration.
1. HOW TO FILL ICE-CUBE TRAYS.
Step by step with slide presentation.
2. TOILET PAPER: DOES IT GROW ON THE HOLDERS
Round table discussion.
3. DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE LAUNDRY BASKET AND THE FLOOR.
Practicing with hamper. Pictures and graphics.
4. THE AFTER-DINNER DISHES AND SILVERWARE: DO THEY LEVITATE AND FLY INTO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES
Debate among panel of experts.
5. LOSS OF VIRILITY: LOSING THE REMOTE CONTROL TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
Help line and support groups.
6. LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS, STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THE RIGHT PLACE INSTEAD OF TURNING THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN WHILE SCREAMING.
Open forum.
7. HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH.
Power Point presentation.
8. REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST.
Real-life testimonial from the one man who did.
9. IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS
Driving simulation.
10. LIVING WITH ADULTS: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR WIFE.
Role playing.
11. HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION.
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques
12. REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, OTHER IMPORTANT DATES AND CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE.
Bring your calendar or PDA to class.
13. GETTING OVER IT. LEARNING TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME.
Individual counselors available.
For early bird : WHISKEY WILL BE SERVED!!!!
Note: Due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each. sign up early and get a discount on registration.
1. HOW TO FILL ICE-CUBE TRAYS.
Step by step with slide presentation.
2. TOILET PAPER: DOES IT GROW ON THE HOLDERS
Round table discussion.
3. DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE LAUNDRY BASKET AND THE FLOOR.
Practicing with hamper. Pictures and graphics.
4. THE AFTER-DINNER DISHES AND SILVERWARE: DO THEY LEVITATE AND FLY INTO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES
Debate among panel of experts.
5. LOSS OF VIRILITY: LOSING THE REMOTE CONTROL TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
Help line and support groups.
6. LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS, STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THE RIGHT PLACE INSTEAD OF TURNING THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN WHILE SCREAMING.
Open forum.
7. HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH.
Power Point presentation.
8. REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST.
Real-life testimonial from the one man who did.
9. IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS
Driving simulation.
10. LIVING WITH ADULTS: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR WIFE.
Role playing.
11. HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION.
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques
12. REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, OTHER IMPORTANT DATES AND CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE.
Bring your calendar or PDA to class.
13. GETTING OVER IT. LEARNING TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME.
Individual counselors available.
For early bird : WHISKEY WILL BE SERVED!!!!
About smoking and drinking
A beggar stops a pedestrian to ask some money.
He says: ""Sir, i haven't eaten for one day, can you give me some money.""
The pedestrian: ""i am sorry, i don't bring cash today. do you smoke i have some cigarettes.""
The beggar say: ""i don't somke.""
The man is quite gentle: ""do you drink, i can offer you a couples of beer.""
The beggar answer: ""i have never drinked.""
The gentleman is very excited when he heard that. ""come with me to have a dinner tonight, i must show my wife what kind of man he will be, if he doesn't smoke and drink""
He says: ""Sir, i haven't eaten for one day, can you give me some money.""
The pedestrian: ""i am sorry, i don't bring cash today. do you smoke
i have some cigarettes.""The beggar say: ""i don't somke.""
The man is quite gentle: ""do you drink, i can offer you a couples of beer.""
The beggar answer: ""i have never drinked.""
The gentleman is very excited when he heard that. ""come with me to have a dinner tonight, i must show my wife what kind of man he will be, if he doesn't smoke and drink""
Upper Management
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up."
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."
The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was all that about, anyway"
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for upper management position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot shit, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."
He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up."
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."
The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was all that about, anyway
"The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for upper management position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot shit, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."
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